


The Smug Pepper Pot

by prettybirdy979



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Walk Into A Bar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 16:20:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2658449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettybirdy979/pseuds/prettybirdy979
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter walks into a bar. A legend greets him. </p>
<p>Things get odd after that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Smug Pepper Pot

It was off putting to walk into your favourite bar (on Xandar, just south of the Nova Corps headquarters and surprising dodgy looking for that part of town) and see one of the galaxy’s most terrifying species ( _legends_ really) sitting there, head swirling round and eyestalk not resting on anything.

It was ever more off putting to realise there was a drink in front of it.

‘Peter Quill.’ The _Dalek_ said, suddenly focusing on him. ‘I have been… waiting for you.’

Peter draws his weapons in an instant. He’s heard enough of the legends of the Daleks and the Time Lords to know he’s going to need them. No one looks twice, this isn’t the worse thing that’s happened in here. Though the Dalek should have drawn attention, why wasn’t it drawing attention?

‘Why? I didn’t realise Daleks did assassinations. Legends have you more as indiscriminate mass murderers.’

The eyestalk bounces up and down and Peter gets the impression he’s offended it. ‘We are not murderers. Murderers kill other beings, we exterminated VERMIN.’ Then it moves the small -oh God that’s a weapon- gunstick-y thing and points it at him. ‘You will assist me.’

‘Not happening.’ Peter looks around and still, no one is paying any attention to the living legend in the bar. ‘Besides, aren’t I vermin?’ He needs his team, where is his team?

_Back at headquarters where you left them._ A vicious voice points out. _They won’t realise you’re missing for hours._

‘You are something of use to the Daleks.’ It screeches and Peter cannot help but dart his eyes around, looking at the room. Why hasn’t anyone noticed.

‘Yes, you see now.’ He’s going to die surrounded by obvious idiots and this thing manages to sound emotionlessly _smug_. Peter ignores the contradiction.

‘See what?’

The Dalek wriggles its gunstick. ‘The perception filter is strong but you see anyway. You will come! Or I will EXTERMINATE THIS BAR!’

Peter instantly drops his weapons. ‘Hey, no. No need to kill anyone. I’m coming quietly.’ It’s a long shot but on the way to raising his hands Peter taps his communicator, pressing both the call and mute button. Hopefully someone will pick it up...and hear through the ‘perception filter’. What ever that is.

‘You will come! You WILL come!’ The Dalek is shaking now, practically dancing in anger.

With a roll of his eyes, Peter steps aside. ‘I’m coming. No need to repeat yourself, you sound like a broken record.

‘I am not broken. I am a Dalek!’ But it stops shaking and begins to roll towards him. ‘You will proceed.’

‘Should I lower my hands? Going to look kinda weird me marching through Xandar with my hands raised but nothing behind me.’

Peter’s sure the Dalek is _glaring_ at him. ‘It does not matter what you do. You cannot escape the Daleks... Time Lord.’

‘Star-Lord.’

‘EXCUSE ME?’

‘Name’s Star-Lord.’ Slowly Peter lowers his hands, figuring if it was going to shot him, it would have done so already. Sure enough, the Dalek seems...well it doesn’t shoot so he’ll say it’s happy enough for him to just walk normally ahead of it.

‘Your individual designation is meaningless. You will turn left.’

With a glance over his shoulder, Peter takes the next left. They’re headed for the public spacedock which means Peter’s about to find himself off planet. This could get messy. He needs to get out of here fast. But first…

‘Perception filter? Mind explaining?’

‘Your ignorance is unimportant.’ Right, not going to explain. Well that complicated things.

But filter implied a device, at least when used in this context. And devices had ranges- all he had to do was either get out of the device’s range or get the Dalek away from the device. Simple enough, right?

Except he has no idea what the damned device looks like. Minor setback.

‘Peter?’ Oh no. Oh nonononono. Peter looks up to see Gamora, tailed by the rest of his team, walking towards him. She smiles as she notices him looking at her. ‘New job?’

He glances behind him, trying to see what his team must be seeing but no, still an overgrown pepper pot pointing a gun at… no it’s not pointing a gun at him. It’s pointing a gun at Gamora.

‘Yeah, where are you headed with that dirty looking Kree?’ Rocket calls, frowning. The gun moves to point at him.

Before Peter can speak, the Dalek does. ‘EXTERMINATE.’

He doesn’t even think. In one fast action Peter moves between his friends and the Dalek, taking the shot.

Only there’s no shot to take. He glances back at the Dalek and swears the damned thing looks pleased.

‘You would die for your friends. You are the Time Lord we seek. Come, or I will EXTERMINATE them!’

‘Peter? What’s that?’ Gamora’s eyes are wide but his team has stopped moving. Now to get them to go away.

‘Fine. I come with you, they live.’

‘You are not in a position to make deals.’ But the Dalek turns away from his team and starts to roll away. Peter follows.

‘Hey, Star-baby, why the hell are you following that...that thing? And where the hell did it come from anyway?’ Peter looks over his shoulder to see Rocket take one step towards him. The others begin to follow.

‘Stay away!’ And thank everything Peter has or has ever known- they stop. Though Groot only stops because Rocket and Drax grab at him. ‘Stay there!’ Peter adds as an idea comes to him. ‘Stay right there and don’t move a muscle. It’s musical statues time man.’

Drax goes to speak and Gamora elbows him, with a nod at Peter.

Peter sighs with relief as he continues to follow. They know what to do.

********

The Dalek ship isn’t very impressive but Peter lingers outside it anyway, pretending to admire its design.

His friend isn’t too pleased with this.

‘You will proceed into the ship.’

‘Give me a minute, I’m admiring shit!’

‘Your admiration is expected, the ship is of Dalek design. But you will proceed into the ship. Nooooow!’

Peter throws his hands up. ‘Okay, okay going!’

With a final look over his shoulder, Peter climbs up the ramp into the ship still being followed by the maniacal pepper pot.

Perhaps his team doesn’t know what to do?

********

Peter stares at the crowd of Daleks.

As far as he can tell, they stare back. He’s felt the ship take off but they don’t seem to be willing to tell him why he’s here and he’s not quite desperate enough to ask. Hence the stand off staring competition.

They’re probably going to win. Because well, as good as Peter is at staring competitions- and he is very good, he always bet Yondu- he can’t compete with a being that doesn’t have eyelids. It’s a bit hard.

Finally the Dalek that he had first met- and Peter’s not sure how he can tell it’s the same one but he can- comes back, the other Daleks moving aside to clear a path for him. It. It marches right up to Peter.

‘You will assist.’

Peter shrugs. ‘Well, I’d like to but I can’t really help if I don’t know what you want. And since I don’t know what you want-’ he shrugs again, ‘-I’m not going to help.’

‘YOU ARE A TIME LORD. YOU CAN MANIPULATE THE DEVICE.’ It gestures at a box-y thing, vaguely Dalek shaped, that’s sitting against a side wall. ‘You WILL assist!’

‘Told you before, it’s STAR-Lord.’ He knows he shouldn’t antagnise it but really, once he got onto this ship, Peter was sure he wasn’t getting off it. Best to go with a bang, so to speak.

‘Your individual designation-’

‘-is meaningless, yeah I know. That’s the point though, that’s the only lord I am. A _Star_ -Lord. I’m not a Time Lord!’

If a metal pot can look incredulous, this one has managed it. ‘The DNA scan is correct! You are a Time Lord.’ It moves away, towards a screen on the wall and extends its plunger thing-y. An image of Peter, much like the one Nova Core had, flashes on screen. Only this time the DNA is not unidentified.

It says Time Lord.

Disbelief wars with fear in Peter’s chest. ‘Impossible. They’re legend!’

‘So are WE.’ The Dalek turns to face him. ‘There exists only one Time Lord now and he is the sworn enemy of the Daleks. But you… You are also a Time Lord! And you can ASSIST!’

‘ASSIST! ASSIST! ASSIST!’ The rest of the Daleks begin to chant.

Peter opens his mouth though he’s not sure what to say… what he could say. But before he can pull his scrambled thoughts into order he pauses. Something is coming…

He takes one step forward as a grinding and whirring noise starts to sound with a sudden breeze with no source begins to blow.

‘DOCTOR!’ Peter’s original Dalek screams as a wall begins to fade in in front of him. Confused, Peter turns and watches as a console fades in behind him, surrounded by a man in a striped suit and-

And his team! ‘You guys are late!’ He complains even as he rushes forward to greet them.

Gamora permits him to hug her and place a kiss to her cheek while Groot pulls him into a hug of his own the moment Peter releases her. Drax nods at him from the other side of the room and Rocket scowls at him with slightly less venom than usual. It’s a happy reunion all round. Peter feels touched.

‘Ooh, reunions. Love reunions.’ Peter turns to face the unknown man, wearing a pair of glasses and smiling widely. ‘Especially ones that come with mysteries.’

‘And Daleks?’

The smiles sides off his face. ‘No, not Daleks. I don’t much like them.’ He moves closer and looks Peter up and down. ‘But you! _You_! Why were the Daleks interested in _you_?’

Peter shrugs. ‘Seemed to have me mixed up with someone. Who are you?’

It’s Rocket who replies, the strange man being too interested in pointing something- a sonic _screwdriver_ , really?- at him. ‘He’s The Doctor. Owed me a favour.’ Rocket sounds put out. ‘These morons made me cash it in for you so now _you_ owe me a favour.’

‘Sure thing Rocket. I’ll pay it back after you fix my ship.’

‘She’s not broken! Just, resting a bit.’ Peter rolls his eyes as the rest of the team laugh at Rocket’s answer. He turns to The Doctor, who’s been watching them interact. Something about the look on his face puts Peter on the defensive.

‘So you’re ‘The Doctor’?’ The Doctor nods, still looking at him like… like a bug that’s managed to do an amazing trick. ‘The Dalek’s ‘sworn enemy’?’

The Doctor blinks. Then, ‘Oh, yes. Yes that’s me. Always stopping Dalek plans I am. What did they want you for?’

‘They thought I could operate some thing of theirs.’ Peter shrugs again, turning to examine the console as he prepares to deliver what he’s well aware might be a wham line. ‘They thought I was a Time Lord.’

Rocket begins to laugh which causes Peter to look up to see that Gamora has an eyebrow raised in delighted disbelief and even Drax looks vaguely amused. But Groot looks from Peter to The Doctor and frowns.

Because The Doctor hasn’t stopped staring at him, eyes wide with confusion and… well something close to delight. Maybe? Peter isn’t sure.

‘And are you?’ His tone is flat but he’s starting to vaguely shake.

Peter looks down. ‘Dunno. Mom was human but well, no idea about my Dad.’

The Doctor claps. ‘Well! I’ve a time machine, you’ve a location and date. Let’s go get some answers.’

And Peter smiles. ‘Sounds like a plan to me.’

**Author's Note:**

> I know it just cuts off but I was running out of time and well, that feels like an ending. No idea if I'll come back to this.


End file.
